Choose Kindness
As often happens, I had one sermon chosen and God had a different one. As I was waking my mind up this morning playing a word game, a story came across my phone. The title queued my interest and I spent an hour listening. Although it was presented as non-fiction (true), my research leads me to believe it was fictional. Regardless, listening to this story changed my heart. It made me think more deeply and consider how my heart and attitude can be further improved. It made me want to be a better person.
Like many people I consider myself a kind person, always reaching out to others with time, a gift, listening, caring, and hugs. I am always looking for an opportunity to serve, thusly I felt content with my attitude and efforts on behalf of humanity. After listening to this story today, I realize that improvement is possible and prudent. ALL of us can do better; BE better. We can build bridges of understanding and compassion instead of tearing each other down.
The basis of this sermon started yesterday when I read a comment by a friend of 48 years calling Trump supporters stupid. I took no personal offense but rather wondered if there was a better way for people to treat each other than by name-calling and making slurs against people who don’t agree with them. Stupid, by definition means: “marked by a lack of intelligence, foolishness, carelessness and or slow to learn.” That’s quite an accusation to throw out into the universe as a generalized comment about at least 77 million US citizens. Certainly, even within a group of only 10 people, there is a small minority who can be defined as stupid.
At that point, I realized people don’t think about the words they use or the hurt, anger, and dissension they are causing by making such statements. As I mulled this over, the video came on and clarified my thoughts about a better solution than calling each other names, disliking perfect strangers based on “your” perception of their beliefs, and worst of all declaring judgment when God makes it clear you will be judged as you judge others. Yikes! Kindness is the answer.
As we discuss choosing kindness, it is important to respect that we all come from different backgrounds, belief systems, experiences, and perspectives. Expecting people to act and think differently than you is the key to re-training yourself to be respectful and kind to others who are different than you.
It is also important to realize that unkindness creates divides and hard feelings. Unkindness doesn’t solve problems and if being unkind makes you feel better about yourself or happy, you may need to seek help from family, friends, or a counselor.
Humans were made in God’s image to love and care for/about each other, not to fuel the flames of hatred and strife. Therefore, more natural (intrinsic) traits are to love and be kind rather than create negative feelings in those around us. If God is truly IN you, that should be your nature.
Long before becoming a pastor, while I was still in the military (one of the first women in a man’s career field) and experiencing daily prejudice and meanness, I decided to live by the following motto: “React to each unkind act with kindness and the fight ends there.” Little did I understand at 18 years of age that this self-created motto would serve me well as I became a supervisor and leader. As a matter of fact, many people who mistreated me in my early years later ended up working for me. Rather than pay them back, I naturally treated them with the respect, consideration, and kindness I had developed in myself. In other words, I treated others as I had wanted to be treated.
I didn’t create that motto with a full understanding of how it would help direct my path and behavior in more positive ways, but I am glad I decided that I didn’t have to fight back against every unkind person by treating them as they had treated me. I believe it has brought a lot of joy into my life by choosing kindness over disagreeing and fighting. It has given me peace and the ability to look at myself in the mirror every morning knowing I am doing the best I can to love instead of hate.
It is important to understand REJECTION is likely the #1 reason people lash out in anger, fear, and frustration. Trying to avoid rejecting people by calling them names and hurting them is an important part of being kind. Most people unthinkingly lash out at others the same way others have approached them, but it is counter-productive to do so. We should expect people to hurt and disappoint us, but we can CHOOSE beforehand to always reach out in kindness. This unexpected response often causes others to consider their own behavior, and, in this way, kindness can be spread!
God tells us to love our enemies and care for others MORE than we care about ourselves. Luke 6:27-36:
“But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you.”
Philippians 2:3-4 “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” (also found in Romans 12:10; James 2:8; and Galatians 5:13-14)
The choices you make while feeling hurt, offended, or angry determine the quality of YOUR life. Choosing to react in kindness starts building small bridges of understanding that can grow. Reacting in rejection, meanness, and spewing hurtful words tears people apart and creates HURT. Reacting in kindness HEALS. God expects us to HEAL each other, not to act spitefully and hurt each other regardless of what others have done to us!
I once again (as in other sermons) must state that you should not stay in abusive or hurtful relationships, but as you walk away from these negative situations, you can do so in love and kindness. You don’t have to tear down the bridge between you and others, but you can leave an opening for a positive relationship if the other person learns to treat others as GOD has TAUGHT you to treat them.
A difference of opinion or worldview is NOT a reason to be unkind and throw slurs at other people. There is no reason for such behavior and God will not condone you doing so. If you consider yourself a Christian, then act like one. You can avoid, scroll past, and ignore social media posts that make you feel negative emotions. Stopping disrespecting another person’s right to freedom of thought and speech will not help you or change the other person in a positive way. It will breed hatred and contempt. It will hurt rather than heal. It will be defying Jesus’s 11th commandment to “Love others as I have loved you.” (As He exampled to us!) John 13:34-35.
Never once does Jesus command us to try and force another person to think as you do. We can only control our own behavior and actions. God expects us to treat people with forgiveness and kindness regardless of their behavior. That’s how He expects us to act!
Mean people EXPECT you to lash out at them as they are lashing out at you. Surprise them (and maybe yourself) by reacting with kindness. It will shock them and often change the outcome of a conflict. Be the person who God will proudly call His son or daughter by following His ways instead of the ways of this world. Build bridges of consideration, compassion, and understanding. Don’t be the reason why someone else is hurt and sad regardless of how they made you feel. Walk the higher road and stay on the path of righteousness God expects from His people.
You will be happier, more peaceful, and enjoy life more. Kindness begets kindness. Not always, but at least you have initiated a chain that might end up building people up, rather than contributing to tearing people down and tearing this world apart. Amen.
Love, hugs, and blessings, Lisa ><>
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