Human Relationships are NOT the Answer
Greetings and Happy New Year. I am going to start off 2026 by giving you some tools to improve your life from this moment forward. As I recently said on my Facebook page, doing the same unproductive things day after day is not going to improve tomorrow. Even within the realm of my own friendships and counseling ministry, I set some pretty specific boundaries last year.
Many people coming to me with their problems kept saying the same thing day after day. Although I gave each person my best help by asking leading questions and trying to get people to start fixing their problems, they seemed content (probably homeostasis) to just live the same pain, hurt, and discouragement day after day. I am not talking about grieving because that takes years, but actual problems, people, or things that were disrupting their quality of life.
To fully understand why human relationships are never the answer, here is a list of emotions, desires, and expectations people have from other people. I must qualify here that many people EXPECT MORE from others than they expect from themselves, so that in itself creates a problem! However, here is a generalized list of why people get into relationships:
They want something the other person has
The other person has an emptiness in them that they expect the other person to fill
They feel lonely or afraid and want that feeling to be resolved
They want someone to talk to (thinking the other person actually has developed listening skills…something lacking in most humans) and truly understand their viewpoint, pain, suffering, etc.
They want companionship. Someone to participate in activities they enjoy
So they can share expenses and/or raise children
As you can see from the list above, most people get into relationships expecting unconditional understanding, resources, love, and unlimited time from their friends, family, and intimate partners. Although most people are unable to give that, they somehow EXPECT another person (miraculously) can. Most relationships go through the “honeymoon” phase, where each partner is trying to impress the other person (respect, desire, liking), but that is quickly replaced by the realities of true human nature and selfish desires. That’s when the problems begin, and disappointment and unhappiness overwhelm us.
Why Relationships with humans don’t work out as we hope:
Each person is seeking to be “filled” by the other person. This includes intimacy (hugging, kissing, etc.), including equality in sex drive
People expect the other person to heal hurts, disappointments, and provide something no one else ever has: happiness (hint: happiness comes from within)
People have demands and expectations (spoken or otherwise) in their minds that the other person is supposed to fill
Basic human nature is selfish: taking, not giving. Most people enter relationships with others because of what they RECEIVE from the other person, not making a list of everything they can give to the other person
There are motives (conscious or unconscious) that feed into unrealistic expectations in most aspects of life
Most relationships are based on one or both partners being self-centered: asking what you give to me?
Few people do things the way the other person does things. Cleanliness, beliefs, value systems, habits, tidiness, and hobbies, etc. These differences cause disagreements and arguments, resulting in strife and discontent
Rearing children. Not many parents have the same discipline, religious beliefs, and upbringing, causing huge problems when deciding how to raise children
MONEY. Few people have the same spending habits, financial resources, and value systems. Tithing, saving, and spending are all areas that cause discord among people in relationships
This is a short and summarized list of why human relationships are often perpetually disappointing and unfulfilling; however, we could go on for days discussing all the factors and nuances involved. Because all humans have their own experiences, desires, wants, and needs, few of the humans who interrelate are on the same page in all these areas. Unrealistic expectations of each other cause hurt, pain, and perpetual disappointment/unhappiness. This is why God is so important in our lives.
He teaches us to tolerate, love unconditionally, and be willing to give more than we receive. God teaches SELFLESSNESS, not selfishness, although He makes it very clear that the basic attributes of man are pride, selfishness, and disobedient stubbornness. In order to truly live a happy life and the best life He has planned for us, we must OVERCOME these innate traits. We must also associate with people who live by God’s value system.
He also delineated the roles of man versus woman, but in modern times, few people try to live as God has taught us, and even fewer understand the relationship God intended between man and woman. He doesn’t expect one to be subservient, but rather that men SERVE and LOVE women as Christ loved the church, and women to follow the lead of their husbands. The problem is that a woman can’t follow a man who isn’t godly, responsible, and takes the lead in a righteous way seriously, thus creating many problems and misunderstandings.
In regard to other, non-intimate relationships, they are summed up in “love others more than yourselves.” (Philippians 2:3-4 and Romans 12:10) The ultimate agape love that Christ has for all humans. He also teaches us to be patient, kind, understanding, forgiving, etc. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)
Ephesians 4:2 sums up my entire message of God’s expectation of loving each other: “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” Let me make it clear that tolerating verbal, physica,l or sexual abuse and/or following someone who is completely lost is not in God’s plan!
In summary, I have given you a list of why people seek relationships and human relationship struggles, including many of the pitfalls that constantly disappoint us. My goal is so that you can understand and decide if staying in painful, unfulfilling, and/or abusive relationships will get you the peace, love, and contentment you seek. Is it possible that studying The Word each day and seeking to live as God commands is where happiness and peace lie? Is it possible that limiting your relationships to those people who LIVE GOD’S WORD is your path to success? The answer is yes, but:
You must be willing to walk away from relationships that will never improve, and MOST IMPORTANTLY, YOU must become the person God describes throughout His Word and not seek your fulfillment through broken man. GOD is the answer you seek! Through the Holy Spirit, God is with you 24/7 and will give you the unconditional love, support, and encouragement you need, even if you are completely broken.
Life is too short to complain or lament day after day about how badly people treat you. TODAY is the day to empower yourself to be godly and only engage in godly relationships. I pray this helps some of you to change into the type of person you would like as your friends, family and intimate partner, then ensure you have strong boundaries to invite only those same types of people into your life. Amen. Love, hugs, blessings, Lisa ><>
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