Dealing with Difficult People and Situations
Life can be odd in an interesting way. After writing “Choose Kindness” last week, apparently, God decided He would test me and see if I live as I write. Some of you are aware of the situation at the DMV this week, but please bear with me as I summarize it for our ministryofmercy.com website and others who didn’t read my Facebook post.
A few days ago Carl & I were sitting in the DMV handicap area, with Count at my feet. About 15 minutes after we arrived, a guy came into our small sitting area and was talking to everyone about how he dislikes Trump and Elon. Everyone there other than this man were veterans and they were happily reminiscing about military experiences. I half listened to their experiences while waiting for our number to be called.
No one responded to the political rantings of this obviously disgruntled man. His venting went on for 30-40 minutes, and after all the other disabled veterans left, apparently feeling unheard, he started in (directly) on us. I just kept saying it doesn’t make any difference what our political beliefs are, we just have to love each other.
At some point because of an innocuous exchange between him and Carl, he realized we were not going to agree with him. Since I was silently ignoring him, he got more upset, aggressive, and loud, looked directly at me, and asked “What did Biden do that was so bad.” I refused to take the bait. I looked directly into his eyes and said “Regardless of political beliefs, we must love each other.” It became a mantra that I repeated as the guy, not getting us to engage, became angrier and angrier.
Finally, we escaped when they called our number, but my hands were shaking so badly that I could barely sign my part of the paperwork for our new vehicle. His aggression caused a severe reaction from my “war-created” PTSD and my body started reacting on its own. PTSD works that way. You can ignore people, but the fight or flight reaction is quite strong although I had never physically shaken as I did in response to that man.
The worker, recognizing that I was extremely stressed, released me to leave, telling me that it was OK if Carl finished our transaction by himself. She was very apologetic and wanted to have the guy removed, but I said “No just leave him alone.” It took a few hours for my adrenalin to expend itself and for the shaking to stop, but the experience is now stuck in my head.
The other thing that stuck in my head as I was walking out was Matthew 5:38-40 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well.”
Most of my life I would not have walked away, but as you have read in recent sermons, God has been teaching me the importance of kindness and grace in all situations. Previously, my pride would not allow me to take such a humbled position when I felt under attack…especially UNFAIRLY under attack. It wasn’t until after I was sitting in the parking lot in our car that I realized I had done verbatim exactly what God would’ve wanted me to do.
I didn’t play the victim and tell the guy he was bringing on an anxiety attack. I wouldn’t allow the DMV people to remove him (he was left alone in the disability area after we were called) and I refused to respond with either an agreement or disagreement to what he was saying. He had an axe to grind and I guess we allowed him to grind away…
After I calmed down I took the advice I have given in MANY SERMONS (including last week) and started praying for this guy. Matthew 5:44-45 “But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.”
Last week I also discussed that justice is for God and God alone. Only He can be the impartial judge of another person. I cannot judge this man for he has a right to his opinion, however, God can decide if the man was acting in accordance with God’s precepts.
My JOB in this situation was to tolerate, and then pray for this man. Pray that whatever is creating such anger and anxiety in his soul is given over to his Holy Spirit so he can find peace. I have prayed every day for him, in love, and truly hoping he is blessed with “God’s peace that surpasses all understanding.” Philippians 4:7 This scripture verse tells us that God’s peace will GUARD your hearts and minds. That is my sincere wish for this anguished person.
I am not going to drone on about how to deal with a difficult person and/or situation. Through God’s wisdom and will, I have been able to teach you through my actions, backed by scripture, what you should do. Turn the other cheek and walk away. Pray for the other person so that they can find the knowledge and peace God has given to you and me. DO NOT let pride keep you from the righteous and loving behavior God expects from us in these types of situations.
Walk away, pray, love, and turn to God if you still cannot find peace in your heart. I can tell you that I feel happy because I know God is proud of me. He witnessed that His teachings have truly changed my life, heart, and behavior. Although you might think you can’t follow God’s precept in this type of situation, think again.
In the past, I wouldn’t have responded God’s way. I would have been full of hatred and victimization. I would have verbally attacked to “protect” my own rights. I now trust God to protect me if I follow His guidance and requirements. I can assure you, if you do as I did, you will feel amazing. Even though the PTSD trigger will likely linger on, I don’t care. I did the right thing and am very glad I did it God’s way! Amen.
Love, hugs, and blessings, Lisa ><>
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