Coping with Grief

Grief involves coping with loss. Death, divorce, and the loss of a home or job are all major events that people grieve. Grief can also be a loss of safety, security, and self. While everyone’s experience of grief is different, there are common responses that can be useful to recognize if you’re facing a loss. Whether grieving or supporting a loved one, practice patience as you work through this difficult time. (Cleveland Clinic modified)

I believe many people are experiencing the grief of loss of a loved one, home, job, self, security, and safety as we deal with the insanity of the world around us. It is no longer a secret that the vaccines given in 2020 until now have caused many deaths, resulting not only in emotional grief, but also a loss of well-being, love, and security. The polarized political divide causes most of us to grieve on a daily basis. The constant onslaught of negativity and strife in the world affects our sense of safety and thus causes us to grieve the loss of everything that once felt right and now feels wrong.

The secular world tells us there are “steps” to grieving, while the Bible tells us how to deal with grief in a spiritual manner. There are differing opinions about the steps of grief, but I am choosing a 7-step process for this sermon:

Shock: When a loss occurs, one of the first things you may experience is shock. Even when you anticipate a loss—like the death of a loved one with a terminal illness—it can still feel surprising and distressing. No one can ever be truly prepared for a significant loss. Sometimes after a loss, you may behave normally or as if nothing has happened. Most of the time, this is because your body has not processed the loss yet. You might also experience numbness or a sense of detachment from what has happened. These feelings and experiences are self-protective mechanisms that act as a buffer so that you are not overwhelmed all at once.

Denial: During this stage of grief, it is too hard for your brain to comprehend that your family member, friend, or other loved one is gone. Denial is your brain's way of spacing out your feelings of grief, allowing you to acknowledge and experience only what you can handle in that moment. You may feel distressed, emotionally "shut off" from the people around you, and/or avoid others so that you do not have to acknowledge or discuss your loss. Sometimes, you feel forgetful, get easily distracted, stay overly busy, or procrastinate during this stage of grief. Regardless of your experience, it's important to remember that however you feel after a loss is valid and OK.

Anger: While it is completely normal to feel angry after the death of a loved one or loss, you may feel confused or even embarrassed by these feelings. In these cases, it will be tempting to squash, internalize, or even ignore your angry feelings—but they still exist and will likely manifest themselves in some way.

You also may be surprised to learn that you direct your anger at the person or thing that was lost. In certain situations, you could also feel angry with the healthcare providers, friends, family members, and even God. However, under all that anger is your pain. While pain may be uncomfortable, it provides structure to your grieving and is healthier than remaining numb. Remember that anger is a feeling just like any other emotion and needs to be expressed. The important thing is to find a safe and healthy way to express your anger.

Bargaining: If you are having feelings of guilt, shame, or blame, you may experience the bargaining stage of grief. During this stage, people often feel helpless and hopeless and ask themselves "what if" questions. You may feel guilty for preventing the loss or for not spending more time with the person you lost.

During the bargaining stage, it's common to wonder or say, "I should have done this..." or "If I had only done that..." While these types of doubts are normal, they are not where you want your thought process to remain. Instead, try thinking about good memories. Sometimes, simply reflecting on these thoughts can help you let go of the guilt. It may also be helpful to do something specific, like write a letter to your loved one or talk to them out loud.

Depression: Once you come to terms with the reality of the loss, a deeper level of sadness may start to creep in. While this stage is called depression, it is important to note that this sadness (or depression) is not the same thing as clinical depression. Even though you may experience some of the same symptoms of a depressive disorder—like withdrawing from your daily activities or feeling like you are in a black hole of sadness—these feelings of depression tend to come and go during grief.

During grief, sadness may also cause you to lose your appetite or be unable to sleep. If you find that you are not only experiencing these things but also no longer feeling a sense of joy, have decreased energy, and have thoughts of death or suicide, it is important to talk to a mental health professional or pastor for support.

Testing: The testing stage of the grieving process often involves trying out different things that help you move forward. Now you are starting to build your new normal as well as processing your feelings/emotions. As you start to move forward, you will start experimenting with ways to better manage your feelings. For instance, you may think about joining a support group, start journaling, or consider trying something new—all of which can help you learn to cope with your loss. In this stage, you start acknowledging your new reality and finding practical ways to cope. This is different for everyone, so experimenting with different things is a positive direction.

Acceptance: Reaching the acceptance phase does not mean you are OK with what happened. Instead, this part of the grieving process is more about accepting what your life looks like now. You will still need to listen to your feelings and adjust, but you will start to feel more whole, although it will likely be different than before the loss. Keep in mind that grieving the loss of someone you love is often a lifelong process, but with acceptance, you learn to adjust to life without them physically here with you. There will still be good and bad days, but you will start to feel more comfortable in your daily life.

God also has advice while grieving. First, He wants us to lean on Him.

Philippians 4:6-7 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Isaiah 26:3-4 “You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord himself, is the Rock eternal.”

Psalm 18:2 “The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.”

He wants us to read His Word and stay close to Him while walking through the rocky path. He desires that we fellowship and depend on other believers for support, but remember, people are human and cannot reassure or support you the same way scripture and the Holy Spirit can. Expecting too much from people, especially when your own emotions, behavior, and feelings might be erratic, can end up in more disappointment, resulting in further hurt and isolation.

God truly wants to heal you, but can only do so if you turn to Him.

Psalm 147:3 “He is the One who heals the brokenhearted and who binds up their wounds…” God truly can heal you, but while the healing is taking place, He “binds” the wounds so that everything stays in place while healing occurs. GIVE HIM your broken heart, body, and soul, and watch Him perform the miracle of healing in your life. Trust Him, lean on Him, and let Him take control. He is able to do what we cannot.

Remember these two scriptures:

Psalm 30:2 “O LORD my God, I cried to you for help, and you have healed me.”

Jeremiah 29:11-13 “For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. ‘Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. ‘You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.”

In summary, grieving can be caused by a multitude of circumstances, but regardless of the cause, healing needs to take place if you are to live the contented and purposeful life God has planned for you. He is not surprised by your pain and suffering; however, He offers comfort, love, and support while you heal. He has a path to total restoration. Trust His plan!

Deuteronomy 31:6 "Be strong and courageous; do not be afraid or terrified of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you; He will not leave you or forsake you"

Accepting and healing from loss is a PROCESS that takes time. Be patient with yourself and others. Understand the (secular) psychological process, but LEAN on the Spiritual support and healing available to you. Take as much time as you need, but remember that spending time in fellowship with other believers and the Lord will quicken the healing process and make it as painless as possible. Amen. Love & Prayers, Lisa ><>

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